Say My Name Say My Name?

Funny conversation the other day with my wife as I started laughing when she said: "Hey Lamar" I couldn't stop laughing and she seemed a little irritated with me that I couldn't stop laughing.

She says (very perturbed) "why are you laughing? I said I very rarely hear you say my name. She said sure you do. I said no not really.

I get: babe, bae, Mar, boo, honey. But I rarely hear her say my name. In almost 12 yrs of marriage (a blessing in itself) and I very rarely hear my name ever. To my girls I'm dad or daddy. To my my wife I'm the above-mentioned names. At work I'm Pringle or Pastor, Pastor Pringle, just Pringle , I may hear my actual first name a handful of time in any given week.

It seems to that only strangers use my name. At the doctors office or any waiting room. I can hear. But those are far and few between.

Destiny's Childs song say my name has new meaning to me now. I may be different than most of my friends but I actually LOVE my name. Lamar I love the fact that my mom picked that name and I love introducing myself to people.

"Hi my I'm Lamar" I say then because of my deep voice people damn near every time miss the "la" part and think I said: Mark.

Hello Mark. Damnit I still can't get my name spoken. I correct if the setting requires it but if I'm at a bar or restraint then I say "fuck it" I'll just go with it.

I guess my plight is to be nameless but I still long for the day when you will just say my name say my name.

I can't Believe My Words

A few days ago I decided to unknowingly share words with a dear friend. Due to my sensitivity and how deep
My insecurities run I shared words that have broken down my disdain for using words only in the written form of communication. When one speaks face to face they see your facial expressions and even hear your tone. And the written word is dangerous because you often are left to your own empty understanding of the words.

I often wonder if those closest too me could ever truly let me be me. That is complex. I am complex. Being that I love channeling all facets of myself. Whether that is the sensitive, bold quiet shy outgoing moody way that I am. I'm a man and not ashamed or uncomfortable changing my mind dropping a "fuck off" and then turning around and saying hello. Because they all represent who I am.

Some can't deal with that. But I've been cursed at so much in my life that I very rarely take it to heart. I take it as this person is going through something so I'll listen. I guess it comes with the career. parents get upset allot about their children and I can listen to their rant and i deal with some pretty hard kids who decide to take it out on me. And I am prone to piss people off inadvertently or even on purpose from time to time.

But it's the "elect" as my brother says that will stay close and push through the bullshit that is my facade and stay with me through the thick and the very thin.

But there are those in my life who get this and are scarred from ye merry go round of my emotions. Yet I beg to ask ye question: "don't all of our emotions go round and round?" we aren't as progressive as we seem. We are maturing species that at times still emote no differently than when we were young. We may be able to control it more but nonetheless I suspect there are more similarities than differences

I love because I hate, I understand only because I don't know. I have Possible Wishes that aren't really Possible and aren't really Wishes.

It's Me and I'm okay with that are you? #KanyeShrug.

Words

i can't stop thinking about the need to be creative and write my thoughts down, the problem with sharing them all is that words are more powerful than anything in this world.  They cause us to love, fight, die, give life.  In the Bible's allegory of beginnings, it's start is from the words of the Creator, in John1 it's about the Word (Ha davar) of the Creator.  I'm going to attempt to release my worries and my thoughts in this forum where i can't be interrupted or bound by the traditional 140 characters.

The power of saying I love you vs Spewing Fuck off is a thin line, because saying I love you can be used as a death blow and saying Fuck off can be used  as something erotic.

Words are everlasting, they stick to you and never let go, we try to forget some of the hurtful words said to us and it's the same words that can give us life.  in world with no words, life wouldn't be miserable. Stay tuned.

God in us

So i've pondered differences in this concept of understanding the divine. I wonder why God gets the credit when things go well, but not the credit when things go wrong.  I wonder why we praise him in advance for only the good, but when a travail comes we hide and sulk and feel departed from God.  If God is God, then I assume God can take a punch, joke, ridicule, scorn, cursing, and or a myriad of our tirades and hissy-fits.

Yet we tend to trap God in a box, and keep/reserve the good things, as if God was only around during these.  Yet if God is to truly be one with his creation, why can't the good the bad and the ugly be considered just a part of the process of life?  I tend lean towards that if it's bad that happens around us, through us and to us, then it's just as much God at work as it is "life" at work.

Instead of thanking God for giving you the victory, the win, the whatever, we should begin Thanking God for the opportunity to grow, because through the ups and the downs (which in life there will be many) we should be growing no matter what this "BS" game we call life throws at us.

Ponder this: Did God create the system to self-sustaining, therefore there is no real interaction (everyday) with humanity? or is God involved heavily in the daily affairs of humanity? Either one provides the pessimist and the optimist fuel.

Philosophy on Love

Is love selfish, hell I don't really know, but what I do know, is love should be a growing process, as I counsel folks I am constantly reminded how fickle love can be, but shouldn't be.There are some folks that love based out of a fantasy, but I've understood love to be an amazing thing.

The Greeks had it more correctly with over 10 different expressions of love and we miss out on the type of love we mean when we say: I Love You.

Thoughts on Modern Theology

I've understood theology to be an understanding of God, a thought process if you will about the divine. A process of thinking holistically about something bigger and more grandiose of the feebleness of humanity. Which in theory/essence, is a good step for all humanity to explore.

Yet when examined closer, it tends to be a series of quotations from Westerner's attempts to make the world view appear from their perspective. For instance it's a series of quotes from the European Middle Ages, from the Reformation, from the Catholic Church's perspectives.

It's John Wesley's Quadrilateral, it's Alister McGraths understanding of the Gospel. It's more quotes about men, than about the men who wrote holy books or who these Holy books are about.

What if theology was rooted in true gnosis or knowledge in which people were truly challenged to debate their understandings, yet learn from those they are debating. that would cause many to understand their theology in a more personal way.

Yet the scary apart about "allowing" or "encouraging" people to do such things is that you run the risk of people inventing something so far removed from what the majority or those in power wanted you to believe you loose followers.

Which is the catch 22 of the system of thought. You should encourage people to think freely, because anyone or mind that is oppressed will one day have the desire to think and/or be free. But the more the oppression the more polar the freeman/mind will become.

But isn't that the point of messianic figures of History? To be free, as the Ancient Egyptians wrote to the neophytes once they finally Hiaburu'ed/Hebrew'ed/Crossed Over....MAN KNOW THYSELF.